I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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