sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
