I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
