you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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