so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
