I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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