New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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