You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
