Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
