i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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