Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
