My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Randomize
