whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
