Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
