Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
