I puked a lego.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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