he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
