So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
