Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
