Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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