Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
