we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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