Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So apparently I’m into choking now
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
