I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
