paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
