It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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