There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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