just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
