Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
