So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
