there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
