Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
