When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
