Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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