Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize