wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
