Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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