Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
