Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
