Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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