this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
