Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
