areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
