My boss' voice literally gives me gas
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
