Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
