Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
