I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize