wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
