he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
