I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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