I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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