My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
