Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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