Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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