Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
