just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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