I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
