i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize