I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
