So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
