I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
