their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
