I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
