tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize