Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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