please come you make the beer taste better
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
