Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
