i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
