Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
