I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
