He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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