I should be sponsored by Trojan
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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