if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
