Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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