I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
