spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
