How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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