that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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