over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
