Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She bit a glass in half.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
