Clothes are such an inconvenience.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
