that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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