Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I AM VODKA MAN
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
