I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
