What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
