Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They are going to name an STD after you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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