I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
