Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
