My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
