He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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