There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
