i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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