I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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