You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
