Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
