guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
