How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im holly from the hills drunk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize